Haunted House
by Hikari Kamikaze
Summary: Jill does not believe in ghosts, love at first sight, or any other kind or cliched bolgna you hear in the tabloids. But, what will she do when she meets a phantom? Worse yet, how will she hide the thief from her friends! !Reviews are love!
1. The Phantom of the NOT Opera

_A haunted house, huh? What a load of bullshit…_

* * *

Jill looked the house, up and down, then shook her head. "Tch, what a mess. No wonder everyone thinks it's haunted."

"I'm so glad you came Jill, I was beginning to worry that no one would buy this place!" Takakura wiped the sweat from his brow. "Still, aren't you worried about the gho-"

"Puh-lease, Takakura, you know that ghosts do **not** exist!" Jill replied, with a scowl firmly set in place. "The roof just needs to be fixed, and maybe the windows too…" She looked to the side as she muttered the last part.

"Are you sure? I mean, it is a pretty big job for a young woman such as yourself."

"Takakura," she turned towards him, a dangerous look crossing her features, " you do want me to buy this place, right?"

Takakura pondered this for a moment, then nodded. "I still worry, though…"

"Oh Tak, you know you don't need to worry anymore," Jill said shaking her, "I'm a big girl now, and I can take care of myself."

"Who said I was worried about you? I'm scared for the ghost!" He said, trying to lighten the mood. Crickets began to play a small violin for the comically challenged man, which was sad, considering it was still daytime.

"Tak, you may be a friend of the family, but there's only so far you can take a joke." she sighed. He had been using that one for years. "Suppose I better introduce myself to everyone."_ and find out which idiots to avoid_, she thought to herself as she thrust her hands in her pockets.

* * *

Many thoughts ran through her head as the sun set on her walk home. Forget Me Not Valley, she decided, was a very nice place to live. It had nice scenery, charming people, and only three idiots, who went by the names of Murrey the Lazy Ass, Deryl the Cow Stalker, and Rock the Future Hobo. As soon as she remembered them, her head sunk. Murrey was a happy, albeit, hungry idiot, so he wasn't too bad. Deryl had a job, and could take the hint when she thought her cow needed a break, but Rock was another story entirely. He had one thing, on his mind and one thing only: "When are we gonna have some _fun_?" She shivered in disgust at that last thought.

She sighed as she walked into her house. Tak had taken the time to fix the windows, she noted as she began to strip. She undid her ponytail as she headed towards the shower. "Thank god the plumbing works," she muttered to herself as she turned the faucet for the bath. She sat there soaking for a bit, remembering why she came to the valley. _This is a new start,_ she thought to her self. She closed her eyes while facing the ceiling, _I wont let anyone hurt me ever again._ Her eyes flashed open as she heard someone come in the house.

Skye looked questioningly at his surroundings; shirt, bra, pants, bra, shoes, BRA!

_Shit! Another meddler, and a women none the less! _An annoyed look crossed his face, he didn't like scaring women, _but it needs to be done, all my stuff is buried on this property._ _Strange, I didn't see any homeownership papers on Takakura's desk, and where is the woman? _He went rigid as something dawned on him. He looked once again at the bra and the panties, _hmm, polka dots- NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE THINKING ABOUT THAT!_ He rushed himself to the shadows.

Plan: _Let her get dressed, then scare her off __**my**__ property. _After all, he was still a gentleman…

* * *

_Shit! All I have is a towel! _Jill began to feel agitated, bath time is supposed to be relaxing! She began to look around for any weapons to use as she exited the tub. That's when the noises started. Something was clawing to get in. She grabbed the handle that held the towels and ripped it off the wall. _It was loose anyway,_ she tried to console herself, _okay, HERE GOES EVERYTHING! _

"RAAUUUGHH!" she leapt out of the bathroom, waving her "sword" in every which way direction. She stopped, cautiously opening each eyelid, "No ones…. Here?"

She looked around, her grip on the towel and the bar tightened. She then felt something tickling her neck.

"You must leave this pla-"

WHAM!

Skye doubled over in pain, clutching his ribs. _DAMN! She's fast!_ He barely had enough time to dodge the second blow.

"Y-your gonna have to do better than that Casper!" she yelled, as she came in for the final blow.

_Damn it, there's no time to dodge, no choice but to use THAT!_ His eyes flashed as she suddenly froze in place.

"Wh-wh-what? I can't move!" she looked mad before, but now she looked downright murderous. "What did you do to me you sicko?"

"Don't wor-" Skye began, but a sharp pain in his ribs cut him off. _She broke them! That bitch broke my ribs!_ "Aagh!"

"H-hey, are you alright?"

He lifted his eyes in contempt, with a _do I look okay_, spread across his features.

"You- came onto- **my** property," he said between gasps.

_Shit, he looks mad._

"**You**- _**broke**_- **my**- **ribs**!" he started lumbering towards her. For the first time in forever, she feared for her life. He held her jaw in such a way, that she no choice but to look him in the eye.

"You!" he yelled, but something changed as he looked at her frightened face. His anger left him, to be replaced with pity. He loosened his grip and let his hand slide to his side.

"You need to take responsibility."

She frowned, "What are you going to do to me?" her voice was stern and unwavering, as if she already knew what was going to happen. He began walking towards her bed.

"_Me_? My dear, I am disabled, what can I possibly do to you?" He carefully set himself down on the bed with a grunt of pain. "No, _you're_ the one that's going to nurse me back to health."

"Why should I help you?" she yelled in defiance, "_You're_ the one who snuck in here! While I was bathing too! Sorry to say this, but _you_ had it coming, pervert!"

"This happens to be where I live, now imagine my surprise when a scantily dressed woman breaks my ribs _and_ wrecks my bathroom!"

She blinked, taken aback by this statement, "well the handle was loose anyway…"

She muttered as she looked down and to the side.

* * *

hmm first time writing... Tell me, is the length ok? And how 'bout the grammer, more importantly, did you enjoy it?

~stay tuned :3


	2. Plan B

**HK:**This probably should have been in the first chapter... oopsies :3

_

* * *

_

_The plan had gone to hell, and as a result, he now had three broken ribs. It was all her fault that since she tore up his bathroom. Then she just had to go swingin' out, vigilante style!_

"Umm, can you let me move again?" Jill pleaded. The towel was beginning to slip downwards, showing off more cleavage than she cared to reveal.

"I take it that means you accept your responsibility?"

"I never said that!" she shouted, the towel then slipped even lower than before.

"Hmm, you might want to reconsider that." he said, eyeing her up and down.

"ALRIGHT! I'll do it, just turn it off, or whatever you do with something like this!"

He snapped his fingers in response. All the invisible restraints that wrapped her so securely into place were gone now. She dropped her weapon to the floor and gathered up her towel to her skin.

"Hmph! You're very rude, you know. Any who, your job will be to provide me with three square meals a day, help bandage me up, and to stay out of my bed"

Her eyes went wide with rage, "_STAY OUT OF YOUR-"_

"Now as difficult as the last one may sound"_ he continued, despite her claim that that was __her line, _"I need you to restrain yourself, I_ am_ in the midst of recovering"

She sputtered in reply, she was to angry to speak coherently.

"Course, if you're a good girl, I might consider letting you in once I've healed up"

The atmosphere got real dark all of the sudden.

"Kukuku, you're really stupid aren't you?" a horrid smile, that held no goodwill whatsoever, had spread across her features, "Sure, I'll help you, but" her smile disappeared, "Don't _ever_ assume that I want you here!"

"Milady, what ever have I done to earn such malice?"

Now it was her turn to give him that _you know what I mean_ look. She then turned round, grabbed some clothes, and headed towards the bathroom.

_Hmm, maybe I aught to ease up on the teasing_. He thought to himself.

She came back with a stern look screwed upon her face.

"You shouldn't let such raw ang-"

"Shut up. Don't want to hear it. If you keep on speaking, I might injure you further."

She lifted up his shirt to examine the wound, then winced. _That looks awfully painful._

"You know," she said as she pulled out the bandages, "You've got some 'splainin to do. Why stay here instead of going to a real doctor?"

"Because I wanted to admire your beautiful features up close."

She rolled her eyes, "bull-shit." She mouthed each word in such a way that the words stung.

"Hmm, I suppose I could tell you, but you seem smart enough to figure that out on your own." He readjusted himself so she could get the bandages around his chest. He made note that she didn't blush when their skin touched.

"Lets see, you live in a rundown shack in the middle of no mans land, so you're probably the ghost Tak was so worried about. You're avoiding the doctor, which means you're a criminal or you were caught in bed with his wife, but Doctor Hardy doesn't have a wife. So you're probably a criminal."

"You forgot to mention that this is a small town, and no one would be able to find my body."

"Now there's some food for thought," she smirked.

"I do hope your joking!" Skye exclaimed.

"Of course I am, Casper, but you ought to know, Dr. Hardy would never do something like that."

"It's either that or prison. Do you know what they do to guys like me in prison?"

"Smack you upside the head for teasing to much?"

"Never mind," he sighed in defeat. A few minutes later, her smirk disappeared as she finally got it.

"Oh, that. Umm, I'd say that's a good reason to want to stay out of prison." She looked to the side, blushing. Her blush faded and her scowl returned. "You didn't kill anyone, did you?"

He stared at her awkwardly for a moment as if he couldn't believe his ears. He regained his composure, "I could have killed you earlier."

She paused, then continued bandaging him.

"But I didn't kill you. There is only one thing I will not steal," his voice had a serious tone to it. "I will _never_ take a human life."

"Ah... sorry if I offended you. Just had to make sure you wouldn't kill me later."

He furrowed his brows, then relaxed, "I suppose that's reasonable."

"That aside, where am I going to sleep tonight?"

"In the bag by the door there's a sleeping bag," he glanced to the side. He was beginning to feel guilty for kicking her out of bed. "You should use the pillow from the bed, it's more comfortable than the one in there." She looked up at him, surprised.

"Ah, thanks."

As she started setting up her "bed", she realized something.

"Seeing as you'll be staying here for a few months, I'm gonna need your name."

"My my my, already asking for names are we?" his chuckle was cut short by the pain in his ribs, reminding him that they were broken.

"You see that right there is proof that the universe thinks you should stop teasing. I could keep calling you Casper you know."

"Hmm, fine with me, Princess," he smirked.

She shot him a glare then rolled her eyes, muttering _there is no cure for idiocy_ under her breath. "I do have a name you know."

"I know, Jill" his smirk grew into a smile.

"H-how did you know my name?" she was starting to fear for her virginity this time. She moved away from the bed

"I am mysterious in many ways, but don't worry, I didn't use any magic powers this time" he said, "it was sown onto your underwear."

"You pervert! How dare you look at my underwear!"

"It's kinda hard to ignore the polka-dots, 'sides what kind of fully grown woman wears polka-dotted underwear?" he countered.

"UGH! Just shut up and go to bed!"

"You haven't finished bandaging me, Milady."

"Do the rest yourself!" she said as she dove into the sleeping bag. Apparently, there was an idiot she forgot. Rock was pretty bad, but this man, this _phantom_ took the cake!

* * *

**HK:** did I do any better?


	3. A Strawberry a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Jill opened her eye's to a new day. She realized her bed was harder than usual. Then she remembered last night's embarrassing encounter. She let out a groan as she went to go get dressed. After she was ready to stand before the world unashamed, she made her way to the kitchen.

"Stupid pansy criminals, mumble grumble; freeloaders." as she took out a frying pan She realized that the kitchen was well stocked with cooking utensils. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the food cupboard.

"Eh? There's nothing but curry powder in here!" There were a few other ingredients, but not anything for a proper breakfast. She looked over at the man sleeping in her bed, after all; Tak wasn't a big fan of curry.

"Honestly, he ought to eat a little healthier," she muttered, as she rolled up her sleeves to prepare the curry. She exchanged the frying pan for a pot, then began to cook the ingredients. As soon as the scent hit her nose, her eye's began to water. She pinched her nose as she continued to stir the dangerous mixture of spices. She scooped of the food into a bowl and set it on the table. She wasn't all that fond of spicy food so she didn't make any for herself. _I'll just take some supplements,_ she told herself.

"Oy, Casper. Wake up." She said as she gently nudged his shoulder. He began to roll over on his side to ignore her, but the universe decided to tell him otherwise. He let out a grunt and put his hand to his ribs, cradling them as if they would fall out of his skin. Jill let out a sigh, _idiot._

"Here, let's get you out of bed." She supported his back as he slowly swung his feet over the edge of the bed. She remembered she had a few pain pills in her rucksack.

"Wait right here, I'm going to go get something for the pain." She ran over to her rucksack, dug out the pills, then headed towards the counter. She opened the cupboard, pulled a cup out, and filled it with water. As she lifted the glass from the sink, she saw something glimmer. Looking at the cup more closely, between the rounded sheets of glass, was a gold lining. Her eye's widened momentarily, _so he _is_ a thief,_ she narrowed her eyes as she turned to face him. Skye could tell that she was angry again, he looked at her nervously.

She handed him the glass without saying anything.

"Ah, thank you." Skye took the glass out of her hands, her eyebrow twitching as she did this.

"You aught to eat immediately after taking the pills," she said with a cold look on her face. She handed him the pills, which he took eagerly.

"Thank you, my Princess, you are very kind."

"Don't thank me just yet, after you eat we're going to talk about this," she said while eyeing the cup. He looked to the side, then gazed up at her with sad soulful puppy- dog eyes. She rolled her eye's then took the cup from him, pointing towards the table. A pout crossed his features as he slowly got up and headed towards the table.

He smelt something, something sweet and spicy. A genuine smile spread across his face as he sat down to eat. Jill walked around to the other side of the table to sit down in the remaining chair.

"This is really delicious, I'm so glad that you're the one taking care of me, Jill."

"Hn," she grunted in reply, "Where'dja get the cup?"

"An kindly old woman took pity on my situation and donated it to me out of goodwill." The corners of her mouth quirked upwards.

"Oh really? This lady got a name?" she asked, a sly grin appeared on her face.

"Alas, she did not tell me," her mouth became a flat line in response, "but she lives in a mansion at the top of the hill." he added quickly.

She smiled and shook her head, "from one big mess to another…" she muttered. Her brows knitted themselves together as a frown crossed her face.

"Don't worry, Milady, she hardly notices it's gone."

She heaved a sigh, "Have you stolen anything from anyone else?"

"I wouldn't be much of a thief if I didn't, but don't worry no ones seen me yet. Maybe I ought to start leaving notes to give them a fighting chance?" his grin grew even more, he was beginning to look like the Cheshire Cat.

She hopped out of her chair and slammed her palms on the table, making it shake in response, "Damn it man, this is serious! I'm lucky you haven't been seen! From this moment onwards, no more stealing! Got that?"

"No can do, Princess." he said, his grin couldn't have gotten any bigger than it already was. Her fingers went up to rub her temples.

"At least don't steal until you get better. Just so you know, I'm NOT gonna bail you out if you get caught."

"As you wish."

She raised her eyes heavenward, sending a silent prayer that he wouldn't do anything stupid. "Stay out of trouble while I'm gone, okay?"

His smile disappeared, "Where are you going, Milady?"

"I have to help Uncle Tak out with the farm, he's getting pretty old so I can't let him overwork himself. Besides, I need a place to stay. He said I could have this house so long as I take care of the farm."

"Hmm, how is it that you are so familiar with the old man." _this was getting interesting now_, Skye thought to himself. She looked to the side, as if wondering whether or not to tell him.

"Well, when my mom's parents died, he was the one who watched over her. I guess he just sort of wormed his way into my heart as well." she saw no harm in tell the thief that. "I got to get started on work right now, remember to be good, okay?" she said as she rushed out the door.

* * *

Cows, she discovered, had the worst case of halitosis out of any other animal on the entire planet. Sure, they had the cutest eyes, but man did their breath _stink!_ She looked at the cow, whom she had dubbed "Stinkbomb" and shook her head.

"You need a bath, badly."

Stinkbomb mooed and flapped her ears, as if to agree with her.

After Stinkbomb had gotten her much needed bath, Jill made her way towards Vesta's farm. As she walked down the path, she looked up at the sun. _I still have time to go to the doctor's after this._ She arrived at the door to Vesta's house and knocked on it politely.

"Oh! Come in." said a cheery voice, whom she recognized as Celia, Vesta's brown-haired, doe-eyed, all too innocent apprentice. Jill smiled to herself remembering the time when she was like that. She entered the house-turned-shop and nodded politely in Celia's direction.

"What can I get for you?" Celia asked in a sweet tone.

"I just need some advice on how to raise crops. You see, I have a no idea what to plant for spring."

"A good crop for a greenhorn farmer would be turnips. They're relatively easier to raise than the other spring crops, plus they're cheap too! I'll tell you what, since you're new, I'll give this crop calendar. I'm sure it'll come in handy as you become more experienced." Celia brought out a chart from behind the counter and handed it to Jill. Jill smiled as she took the object from Celia's hands.

"Thank you, Celia, how much?" Jill began to pull out her wallet.

"Oh no need," Celia said stopping her, "the calendar's for free."

Jill blinked with surprise plain on her features. "Th-thank you, thank you very much!"

"No problem, it must be tough though." Celia looked down at the counter.

"What?"

"Taking care of plants _and _animals. I mean, it's hard enough raising crops, but I think I'd just _die_ if I had to look after animals too!" she looked up at Jill, then looked away, a bit embarrassed by her outburst. "Uh, it's not like I hate animals," she said looking a little guilty, "animals move and plants don't. How do you plan on taking care of both?" she looked at Jill again, eagerly waiting for an answer.

Jill giggled, "Relax, you don't need to worry about me so much, I used to practice veterinary medicine."

"Really? That's amazing Jill!" Celia tilted her head to the side, "what made you stop?"

Jill's smile vanished, she had not expected that. "A bunch of things happened, it's kinda complicated."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry." Celia look at Jill's tragic expression. "I hope you feel better."

Jill's lips formed a small smile, "There's no need for you to be sorry, you were just curious. I-I appreciate your goodwill, thank you."

"Mhm, take care of yourself, okay?"

Jill nodded as she turned to leave. She was starting to really like it in the Valley.

* * *

Looking up at the sky was boring when the stars weren't there. Skye was tired of being cooped up in this house all day, but it wasn't like he could waltz out in broad daylight. Strange men, with strange hair, wearing strange (not to mention, _expensive_) clothing tend to attract attention. It didn't help that there was a thief on the loose. It didn't help, since he was the thief! He looked back at the window, then sighed. The sun was beginning to set.

"Please come right this way Dr. Hardy" it was Jill, but wait, she had brought the doctor! _That Liar!_

"From what you've told me, this sounds pretty serious." said another, gruff and unknown voice, which he assumed belonged to Dr. Hardy. The knob on the door began to turn as Skye scrambled to move away from the window. To late! There, was the scariest hairless-gorilla-cyborg-on-a-tropical-vacation he had ever seen.

"Oy, Casper! What did I say about goofing around?" Jill caught him before he got too far.

"Ah, so this is Casper? My name is Dr. Hardy, Jill told me about your ribs. Perhaps you ought to reconsider trying to scare her so often." Dr. Hardy chuckled.

Skye shot a nervous look in Jill's direction, demanding an explanation. "I thought we agreed, no doctors!"

"Look Casper," Jill said belatedly, "broken ribs could lead to all kinds of complications, most of which are fatal. I may have a Bachelor's degree in veterinary medicine, but that doesn't mean I'm qualified to treat you. You should've known better than to come out of the bushes like that to scare me! I know you don't like doctors, but you're at risk of a respiratory infection!"

Skye caught on, "I didn't think that you would actually hit me!"

"Well, they don't call me G.I. Jill for nothing." Jill scratched the back of her head, feeling slightly ashamed for lying to Dr. Hardy.

Dr. Hardy smiled, "You both seem like such good friends. Jill, I'm going to need your help bringing him to the clinic."

"O-of course Dr. Hardy!" she replied with an awkward smile on her face.

The trip to the clinic was longer then it should have been, but they need to go slow so that Skye wouldn't get any worse. When they arrived, Jill helped Skye sit down, then proceeded to take off his shirt. She examined the bruise once she had finished removing the bandages. It looked worse today than it had yesterday.

"It looks like you might have fractured the upper ribs, I'm going to need you to take off those pants to, for your x-rays." Dr. Hardy pulled a hospital gown out of one of the drawers. "Here, this should help cover you up. Jill help me remove his pants."

"W-what! O-oh darn it Dr. Hardy, I think I hear Takakura calling for me," she said nervously, "I guess you'll have to go on without me!"

"Relax Jill, all you have to do is remove his pants and anything else that has metal on it, I doubt he wears iron underpants!"

Jill muttered a few curse words under her breath, she wasn't worried about _that._ She began to remove the dreaded piece of cloth, _what kind of man wears purple pants? _She glared at Skye, "If you say anything about this later, I'll make sure you'll _need _iron underpants."

He gulped audibly, "Don't worry, Princess, my lips are sealed!"

_They better be, _she thought as she slipped the gown over his head.

Dr. Hardy had begun moving an odd machine into position over Skye's ribs. "Ok, Casper, I'm going to need you to hold absolutely still during the x-ray. Jill and I will be behind that protective glass over there." he said pointing at the location.

"Do I get a protective glass too?" Skye was beginning to suspect that Jill really _was_ planning to kill him.

"Oh no, we wouldn't get to see your ribs otherwise!" Dr. Hardy chuckled.

_And just when are you going to see my ribs doctor, _Skye began to worry, _When I'm on your autopsy table?_

Dr. Hardy noticed Skye's disturbed expression, "Is this your first x-ray?"

Skye nodded in response.

"Oh! Let me explain something to you. We only use a little bit of radiation for x-rays. It's actually quite harmless!"

"Then why the protective glass?" Skye inquired.

"Me and Dr. Hardy have been exposed to more radiation, because we've worked with equipment like this." Jill patted the machine. "This is your first x-ray. So unless you've been exposed to radiation in some other way, you'll be fine." _Though it would explain his hair color,_ she thought as she eyed the silver locks.

Skye nodded, but remained tense as they went behind the glass to operate the machine. It was over rather quickly. He blinked a few times, surprised to still be alive.

"Now we just wait a little for the images to develop." Dr. Hardy walked over to his computer. His face darkened as soon as he saw the images, "JILL! WHAT DID YOU HIT HIM WITH?"

_That's not a good sign_, Jill thought, "A-a-a metal r-rod." Dr. Hardy was scary enough when he smiled, but it was worse when he was angry!

Dr. Hardy let out a sigh, "We're going to have to screw in metal plates to set the bone. It's a miracle that his ribs didn't fall apart on the way down here!" He brought his fingers to the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh. He didn't have the right tools to deal with this here, and he couldn't send him on a dangerous trip to Mineral Town, especially not at night. There were thieves out there! He quickly explained the situation to Jill.

Skye noticed the defeated look on both their faces. He rolled his eyes, they were already giving up on him? "How 'bout you ask the Harvest Goddess to heal me?"

Jill's head shot up in fury, "How can you joke at a time like this? Don't you get it?" Jill's voice continued to rise, "You could die!"

"I'm not joking." Skye replied, his face turned grim. "Don't you believe in magic?"

"I-" Jill looked down as her eyes began to water, her voice growing quiet, "I gave up on that a long time ago. All it is, is a bunch of false hopes and cruel lies!"

"What have we got to lose Jill? All we can do right now is pray." Dr. Hardy bowed his head as he sent a silent cry of help towards whoever would listen.

"I heard the goddess likes strawberries, maybe if you give her one she'll listen to your request." Skye began to fiddle with the strings on the gown.

"Pfft," Jill looked at him skeptically, "How would you know something like that?"

"Cause I've met her, obviously. She lives in the pond near my- I mean _your_ house."

Jill froze, _he met her? It isn't entirely unbelievable. He does have that strange ability._ She remembered how he so easily paralyzed her, without even touching! She turned around and raced out the door towards Vesta's Farm. She wasn't going to let anyone die, innocent or guilty!


End file.
